To the men I didn't date
- Jul 19, 2017
- 2 min read
To the men I didn’t date, the ones I went on several dates with but never gave a real chance. I’m sorry. Unconsciously, I was so afraid of being hurt, left, used, abused or all three. So scared that I put myself into this box. Again this is all happening unconsciously, like the location running in the background on your phone. I would go on dates, have tons of fun with these men, then abruptly cut them off. I would find any reason to get rid of them. Some reasons made no sense.
One guy, well maybe more than one, couldn’t fathom me wanting to end things. We were having fun, and there was something there. Consequently, he begged me not to stop talking to him. I mean pleaded. However, I stood my ground. I was thinking; he's not going to get me with his “game.”
One guy said, “I don't know what happened to you, but you keep your heart in a cage. You’ve thrown away the key and dismantled the lock so no one can get in. You're ending us prematurely. We’re having a great time. There’s still more to come. Give me a chance.”
I still ended things with him. Looking back, he was right. He also told me when I turned 26 I would blossom. I'm 26. Now, I want to be vulnerable. I want to open my heart, mind, body and soul to all that love has to offer. I want to be submissive. I want to let my man be the leader of the house hold. Shoot, I want to let a man in on a basic level, like let him stick around for more than 90 days.
I'm giving love a serious shot. I have to because these words keep coming to me. I feel them now more than ever. I imagine I'll tell the man I love something like this, to attract and hold someone's attention is a gift but to live in your captivity is a blessing. I am elated, overtaken and full of your energy. To encounter and learn the soul that lies with in you, has awakened my deepest and most precious treasures. The treasures I only desire to share with you. Your love restored the beauty in me. The beauty in me has reflected on to you giving you a glow that only my love can beam. You and I are the only two that can form us. The bond I have with you can not be considered magnetic. More so a blend of us two. Thank you for being everything that I believed was possible. Thank you for being more than I knew was possible. I love you. Always and forever.
One last time, I apologize to all the men I didn’t date. Everyone deserves a real shot at love. I know I'm not the only woman scorned and running off of fear. There's a lot of men in the same boat too. I made this promise to myself. The past is just that, the past. I will let my present be beautiful. The present is the only moment that exists. It's also the most important, it leads to your future and determines your past.
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